Funny How Things Change

So, I’m sitting here talking to Dani about Grey’s, and how it bears an uncanny likeliness to events in her life (hadn’t stop to look for the similarities to mine). My internal irrational optimist would like to believe that certain situations could have been handled differently, and in hindsight both of our more rational selves has to agree. However, we don’t have the luxury of going back in time, or simply deciding that we want to “re-do” life. And when you make difficult decisions, and you move on, things will change. Whether you want them to or not. Chalk it up to growing up, or laying in the bed we made – either way, when you get on the other side of the hurdle and have resumed some sense of normalcy, if you’re lucky you get to have a small giggle about it. Whatever traumatic, life-altering event it might have been in the past.

Its also funny to me how someone can go from being sexy and a potential to not as sexy or attractive or interesting when you find they are no longer single. Even when you had a feeling they may not be single anymore. Happened to me tonight. I had lost what residual interest I had a couple of weeks ago upon inquiring about his status, but when I saw him tonight on the facebook, I found myself wondering what the hell the hype was about. And after I got over the internal shock (and accompanying giggles), I felt pretty good. Totally better off with the girlfriend…

Speaking of changes, a birthday occurred today. I know, I know: everyday someone is born, everyday is someone’s birthday. However, up until about a year ago, this person was really special to me. I love(d) him. And not just the romantic love, but that we’ve been friends forever, I’m-here-for-you-no-matter-what-happens kind of love that you don’t have for just everyone. Last year he chose his romantic partner over me. And that’s fine really. But it’s the way he did it. AND the fact that it wasn’t the first time he had done it. Both times, there was a unfortunate awkward mutter of “I cant talk to you, I don’t think we should talk at all” that was followed by me being totally dumbstruck and responding with a clear trying-to-save-face “okay.” Well, like I said, last year I got this on his birthday – May 15th when I was trying to simply say Happy Birthday. Yes, he returned the courtesy on May 20th, but I didn’t want to talk.

You ever get to the point where you refuse to put yourself back out there to be potentially thrown to the side? Well I was there about 6 months ago. And today, as I sit and reminisce on the fact that he turns 25 today, and I talked to his lovely mom last week (or so), and that this is the most thought I’d given to him and his birthday (as I write this), I feel good. Not bitter. There’s still some residual hurt because I don’t understand how you toss your friends aside. But no anger.

If you asked me 5 years ago if I would have talked to him sometime between May 15th and May 20th, you would have gotten a definitive yes. But things aren’t really like that between us anymore. We don’t communicate. We won’t communicate if it’s up to me to crack open the lines.

Happy Birthday D. I hope it’s a happy one.
Thank you life for always keeping me on my toes.

xoxox

I wish I could collect data

So, I recently became active on MySpace (I joined awhile ago but hadnt gotten into it). And for a short period (like 1 day), I was kinda obsessed with finding the right wallpaper - had to have hearts- and other random profile-type things. Then I realized in all this working, that I didnt really have any friends yet. It hadnt occured to me that the rest of the world was probably totally obsessed with it, and I was yet again a little late (or as I like to think too busy being a graduate student) to join the masses.

In the meantime, I started asking around, and some of the randomest people either do or dont have pages for some interesting reasons. Kevin seems to think its the latest method to e-hoe. Of course I took offense because of the way he said "I dont e-hoe." Well, neither do I! But after spending a few days in the MySpace community (lol), I definitely see how he could get that impression. On the other hand, William seems to think its not nearly restricted enough, and says that at least on the facebook when he meets someone, at least he knows theyre in college - yet another interesting point. They both likened it to an updated version of collegeclub or blackplanet (please remind me to diable those accounts), which I could totally agree with...

So last night as I'm up late, mostly plundering through people's accounts that I know, I start finding all kinds of other people - both those very likely and those unlikely - to be on MySpace. But the funniest part is the way people perpetuate themselves on the internet. Yes, true-self representation online shows its ugly head once again, but I know rappers, musicians, and people who are otherwise really working towards achieving their goals looking like hoes, gangbangers, and bastards! Well, some of them kinda are, but most of them are super nice people. But can you tell me why so many women are barely dressed? Oh! And why I seem to be in the minority that cares about whether their page is readable and user-friendly (rather than just cool looking).

Either way, I like it. I definitely need to change my preferences so that they arent emailing me everytime someone does something (which would also require me to check it reguarly). And now that I have a profile thats to my liking, and friends, I can lay off for awhile (hopefully).

I swear, if this was publishable in my field, I would collect data.

xoxox