Today was much better...

I never thought I'd see the day when being called "bright" could have a negative connotation.

This may be one of the worst days in my entire life.

Perceptions of Control for Muggles

What is this mythical thing we refer to as free will? From a young age people have been spouting off to us how we are in control of our own actions. Our culture has been pumping us full of the notion: movie titles with the tag line “if you build it, they will come” when it really should read something like “if you do or don’t build it, they may or may not come…actually it probably has very little to do with you at all.” As a person who thoroughly enjoys Harry Potter and most other movies and TV shows featuring magic, it takes a lot for me to say that in instances where we have “willed” something to occur that it isn’t simply magic. If you think about it, that’s how magical powers work…the magical being in question wills it to happen and with the assistance of some potion or incantation, it “happens.” They chose and it happened. Can you imagine if someone you’re sitting down to dinner with all of a sudden turns into a turnip? What explanation other than magic could there be?

We regular non-magical people have a problem with this. As researchers, our job is the find the mechanisms, dives, and motivation for why people behave in certain ways, and why they think the things they do. Generally speaking were working on that. But this notion of free will seems to be totally problematic. There is no way that I would assume that because I thought it would be cool if a tree limb moved when I thought it should, and I couldn’t see the wind blowing or a squirrel walking by, and it moved within seconds of me having the thought and doing the quick surveillance that I would think I willed it to happen. No way. Do people actually think that way? Are they totally out of touch?

Taylor and Brown (1988) have found that some people are totally out of touch. But get this, they’ve found these positive illusions to be psychologically adaptive…up to a certain point. This tendency to view the future more optimistically than objective circumstances can justify, to maintain that one has a higher degree of personal control over the situation than might be justified by the objective facts, and to inflate ones own attributes and characteristics modestly is said to be a means to preserve self-esteem and has been shown to be an exceptional coping strategy. The implication is that illusions of control may be sought because of the generally helpful nature of believing one has control (i.e. when diagnosed with a terminal illness). However, when people exhibit these behaviors long term, they are assumed to be off their rocker, totally out of touch with reality, and probably a prime target for feeling like they are willing things to happen when other situational and environmental factors are truly the culprit. Illusions of control seem to help life appear less random thereby fueling the optimism that one can eventually help some things turn out well…possibly because we willed them to.

“This is a story about control/My control/Control of what I say/Control of what I do”
-- Janet Jackson, Control

xoxox

Entitled in moderation

I really wish I could pinpoint the exact moment that I developed this aversion to checking messages.

For a long time, it was just my voicemail, but now its expanded to Facebook messages, myspace messages, and even things that come to my AOL account (which is sporadically checked). Its almost as if I got a less than savory message and the negative affect just stuck.

Like, I want to tell people on my voicemail mesage not to leave a message. I know, I know...people have to be able to leave messages, especially since I tend to not always answer my phone, but still. I HATE checking them.

I think this all ultimately stems from one deep seeded concern. Society has seemingly established this rediculous standard of availabilty that we expect of other people, and recprocally hold ourselves to. It's as if we feel entitled that people should get back to us immediately. I don't like feeling like I have to be available just because you called/texted/emailed me.

Email especially burns me though...dont email me at midnight expecting an immediate response! But you cant actually say that to people. Kind of like my voicemail issue - I thank you for calling me and then ask you not to leave a message. [Sidenote: I've been thinking of ways to get around that. How does this sound? Hi, you've reached Patti. Sorry I'm unavailable." That way, I didnt actually ask you to leave a message, I just informed you that you were spending some quality time with my voicemail box...]

I digress.

I kind of miss the days when people casually checked their email. When, if someone didnt get back to you immediately, our minds didnt leap face first into a neverending list of attributions about the person, the situation, or importantly, their implicit thoughts about me. A time where, if someone hadnt gotten back to you yet, you actually assumed they were busy...thats it, just busy.

I'm talking about all of this like there is something I can do about it. As a result, I try to be entitled in moderation...certain emails will ALWAYS be high on the list (think: I needed a response yesterday), but voicemails? Feel free to leave one...at your own risk.

xoxox

Funny How Things Change: Update

(I'll spare everyone my grandiose "coming to Jesus" blog entry. I have some things to say, so I'm back. And I'll write/talk 'til I get tired...end of story.)

Onto more interesting things...

So I just read my May 06 "Funny How Things Change" entry. Remember how I said I wasnt reaching out to him on my own volition? I have held true to that...mostly. I ran into his mom at church over the holiday break, and of course I always ask about his sister (and she always volunteers the information about him). So towards the end of our brief chat, she tells me that she really wants us to talk. She takes my number (again) and promises to pass it on. But this time, I kindly inform her that I've had the same number for the past 6 years, and obviously he has no interest in talking to me. He seems to be able to find me when he wants to not be my friend anymore, to trust and believe he has the number. She wont be deterred, takes my number anyway, and this time asks me to call him. Again, I look at her with this knowing look in my eye. I agree, knowing that if for some reason I am sent to voice mail, he will not call me back.

So I call...

No answer, so I hang up.

But then I felt a small pang of guilt for not leaving a message (maybe the phone was off, etc).

So I call back...a few minutes later and leave a message. It says something to the effect of your mom asked me to call as a Christmas gift to her (yes, she actually told me to tell him that), and that I hope all is well with him, and to give me a call. AND I even left my number (like he doesnt know it!).

I'm still waiting on my call back. Four months later...

We used to be better than that. The more things change, the more things... change.

xoxox